


the emotions that motivate us

by jangmun



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, M/M, he also almost drowns, he can't control them, idk what this is, im sorry, yohan has powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25457005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jangmun/pseuds/jangmun
Summary: yohan has failed again, but maybe this time his life isn't over.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kim Yohan
Kudos: 10
Collections: Challenge #3 — Sound of Silence





	the emotions that motivate us

He failed.

Yohan’s arms quiver as he struggles to push himself off the ground. Blood fills his throat and he chokes on it, spitting it out onto the concrete. His body feels like its on fire. The ground around him is covered in debris, crumbled buildings and glass shards form an oblong shape around him.

_Failure isn’t an option._

He whimpers, though maybe from his mind running a hundred miles a second and not the battle he’d just been through. His powers are offline, he can’t access any of them. It’s just his physical training versus the enemy. But, what cost? He destroyed half of the town, and he can’t even get back to his feet.

_Failure is just a stepping stone to a second chance._

Yohan wants to fight it, his programming. He was raised as a weapon, using his physical strength in combination with his powers, his ability to use his strength at the bend of his emotions. In an ideal world Yohan would control both, would use his power in a tactile mannner, able to defeat enemies and preserve the world around them.

He fails at doing that, too.

Failing is the end of the line for his previous mentor. If any of his weapons failed, they were terminated. In a lot of ways, Yohan is thankful that Seungwoo rescued him. Thankful that Seungwoo gave him a second chance.

_If you can’t get up, you’re useless to me._

He almost cries. The voices of his old life are so loud, going along with the beat of his blood pumping. The world around him is so quiet. Yohan sees his enemy talking but can’t hear anything.

Get up.

Yohan manages to sit back on his legs, all the strength in his body dissipating. It’s the last stand, he’s definitely going to die here. He closes his eyes.

The world is finally at peace. Maybe only in the illusion of his dark vision, but it is. Yohan can regain his strengths, listen to Seungwoo.

_You fail again, Yohan, I will terminate you. Do you understand?_

_Yessir._

Yohan falls again. He isn’t even sure if he fell literally, but his back hits the water, and when his eyes shoot open he’s somewhere completely different. The world looks clean, sterile. There’s no sign of the fight, no death or destruction to be had. It’s nice.

Seungwoo stands in front of him again. It’s like the first time they met, when Yohan was beat to the ground and unable to fight. And then his hand extends out to Yohan, and he grabs it.

The illusion ends.

The world around him shatters into a million pieces, forcing him to open his eyes. He’s absolutely terrified.

Yohan is in the water, falling further into the depth of the sea, the daylight disappearing from sight. He’s scared. He failed.

_If you fall, just get up again._

He tries; tries so hard to get up, to swim back to the surface. It doesn’t work. Yohan thinks it’s it, that this is where he fails for his last time.

_You need to trust your instincts, Yohan. It will be okay._

He relaxes, almost considering a breath of air until he realizes it’s impossible. He can get one when he gets out of the ocean. Yohan _needs_ to get out of the ocean.

His body surges through the water, and when he breaks the surface tension the sound of the world roars back to life, searching through his hearing until he gets a headache. Yohan lands on the shore, coughing up a mixture of blood and saltwater and tears and spit and he’s just thankful to be alive.

He can hear the sound of sand crunching below boots, and even though it isn’t easy for him to do, he’s rewarded when Seungwoo enters his vision, blurry but there. He’s real, he’s definitely real.

Yohan is pulled into a hug, gentle enough to not hurt him further, and long fingers run themselves through his hair. Yohan hears the praises, revels in the relief that it’s over, the fight is over, he made it.

He buries his head into Seungwoo’s chest, gripping onto the back of his shirt and the world grows silent again, and all he can hear is the ocean hitting the shore and Seungwoo’s soft breathing.

_You aren’t a failure. You might not believe me now, but you aren’t._

But he is. No matter how many times Seungwoo tells him he’s not, he always will be. A failure to his family, to his previous friends, to his current ones. Yohan still can’t control his power, he still can’t control his emotions. There’s no way in hell he’s not still a failure.

Seungwoo is too optimistic, too bright and cheerful for the world. Sure, he’s a stern leader with a tough protocol, but he’s still looking at the bright side— the good side— to everything.

Maybe that’s why Yohan likes him. His ability to see through Yohan’s inability to control his emotions and see that he’s a kid worth helping, worth saving. He wants to live up to his expectations, his ideas of him. He doesn’t think it’s possible.

But to Seungwoo, failing is just what makes Yohan human, what makes Yohan just like him. Weird. So weird.

It’s sunset before the two attempt to leave the beach. They’re told the damage to the town is being taken care of, that Yohan doesn’t need to worry about it anymore. But it’s just a silly thing they tell him to try an ease his mind. Yohan is still going to worry.

He can worry less with Seungwoo around, though.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a headcanon for yohan's origin story, and how he and seungwoo's relationship develops, and perhaps i've looked too far into this one au because there's a high chance i will not be continuing it but who knows?


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